


Valentine's Day

by Aria6



Series: A Coyote's Stories [58]
Category: Bleach
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2018-03-15 14:38:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3450776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria6/pseuds/Aria6





	1. Chapter 1

Starrk smiled as he carefully set the little box in the centre of the desk, taking care not to muss the papers there. The owner probably wouldn't care, but he liked being neat. And it was Valentine's day, so it was a good time for this sort of thing.

_You're pathetic, you know that right?_ Lilynette sounded grouchy. But she was trapped in his mind. For the longest time he'd thought his other half was gone, but he'd finally found her again. The trick of actually manifesting her was eluding him, however.

"Mmm hmm." His smile dimmed into something sadder as he ran his fingers over the pure white box. He'd purchased it from a cake supply store, along with all of his equipment. Really, baking was turning into a very enjoyable hobby for him. "I have no expectations." He said softly, knowing that Lilynette was right. His other half snorted.

_Good, because you're not getting anything but a punch in the face._ She said abrasively and he sighed before leaving the room. The object of his affections would find that little token when he stopped bothering his fukutaichou.

"At least the message is appropriate." He murmured to himself as he drifted through the halls. There was a soft sigh from his other half.

_Yeah, that's true._ She said and Starrk thought about the contents of the box with a melancholy smile. He'd worked hard on that little heart cake. It was a unique flavor, rosewater and pistachio, with a heavenly meringue frosting. He'd not coated it in fondant – that didn't really taste very good – but he'd made some very beautiful little roses and leaves, putting them on one side of the heart. With the dessert came a little card, with a short message.

_This gift comes without obligations._

_Please, enjoy._

Starrk hoped he did enjoy it. Maybe he would –

"NANAO-CHAN!" He almost got run over by the overly enthusiastic object of his affections. Starrk stared after him, wide eyed. "THAT IS SO SWEET OF YOU!" Starrk heard as he vanished into a room. Then he heard a yelp of surprise.

"KYORAKU TAICHOU! LET GO OF ME!" Shaking his head with an amused smile, Starrk shoved his hands in his pockets and continued on his way.

Shunsui didn't have a clue and maybe it was better that way.


	2. St Patrick's Day

"I don't understand what he wants from me." Starrk was close to tears. He could feel Lilynette bristling, inside his head.

_He's just a dick. Ignore him._ She said firmly and Starrk bit his lip. She didn't understand, Renji was his taichou. He couldn't just ignore the man. _Just take his assignments and do that thing you do when you hide in your head._ That made Starrk wince. Kyoraku taichou and Ise fukutaichou had both told him that was a bad thing and had been trying to get him past it. _And look where that got you!_

"…You're right." His coping mechanisms might be unhealthy, but they were at least effective. Starrk sighed to himself before deliberately forcing himself to steady. "I can do this." It was going to be very difficult when their personalities didn't mesh at all, but he would survive.

Technically, his new position as a fukutaichou was a step up in the world. Starrk didn't see it that way at all. The money was meaningless to him. He lived in the barracks and mostly did his baking in the communal kitchen. He spent a bit on his supplies, but that was all. The rest just went into a sock, which he put under his mattress. It was a mild nuisance and made the bed more uncomfortable, but he vaguely recalled that was a traditional way to deal with extra money.

As for his 'authority', Starrk disliked being in charge. He hadn't enjoyed it much as an Espada and he enjoyed it even less as a shinigami. Renji just didn't seem to understand that. But how could he? He'd endured a lecture about how the man had fought his way up from nothing and how Starrk should show more initiative and enthusiasm. Renji didn't understand that power had always dropped itself at his feet. What need did he have to strive for what he already had? If his limiter were ever removed, Starrk's power would easily eclipse his taichou's.

Shaking away all those considerations – it hardly mattered – Starrk went to work on the daily reports. He would need to supervise some exercises later. He'd done very similar things as a seated officer so it was not difficult. Although he was finding it hard to make new friends. His new rank was a barrier and Starrk had never been the best at overcoming such things. Another reason he had not wanted a transfer…

Starrk closed his eyes for a moment before continuing with his work. It didn't matter what he wanted. That had been made very clear to him. Although that was nothing unusual, really.

In fact, it was much like everything in his life.

* * *

"Starrk, are you listening to me?!" Renji was glaring at him and Starrk blinked, coming out of his mental fugue. He's mostly registered 'pointless lecture' and then completely tuned out. Lilynette was giggling in the back of his mind.

"Of course, taichou-san." He said as smoothly as he could, confident in his other half. Lilynette had been listening and mentally giving Renji the finger. She could inform him of what he had been saying.

"What was I saying?" The usual question. Lilynette helpfully supplied the answer and Starrk rattled it off, his expression blank. That just made the redhead run a hand through his hair, irritated.

"You drive me crazy!" Well, the feeling was mutual. "How in hell did Kyoraku taichou deal with you?" That made him flinch, visibly. Renji noticed. "Well, how did he?"

"We…" Starrk felt a deep pain well up in his chest. He really hadn't expected anything but a punch in the face, but he would have preferred physical violence to exile. "We played shogi, sometimes…" Starrk's gaze rested on the desk in front of him and he was almost unaware of Renji's snort. He missed those games. Missed seeing the smile on the other man's face, missed the smooth taste of the sake on his tongue.

He hated to feel the pain of loss most of all, so he barricaded himself from it. Ignoring the feeling, Starrk found a place of calm in his own mind. The rest of the world melted away and he was vaguely aware of Renji still talking, but ignored it. Lilynette could deal with him. She was good at pretending to be him, by now. It was very useful to them both, allowing Starrk to take a break and giving Lilynette some freedom. He was doing it more frequently, lately. That was probably not a good thing but Starrk couldn't find it in himself to care.

Starrk instinctively sought out his inner world. Bright light illuminated him and he closed his eyes, soaking in the warmth. Then he opened his eyes, gazing around. His inner world was not a place he'd ever seen, that he could remember. It was rolling plains, dry grasses with long stalks that swayed in the breeze. There was a barbed wire fence, a dilapidated thing on the verge of collapse. Starrk smiled as he brushed his hands over the rough timbers. They looked like they had settled into their patterns with the passage of time.

In his inner world the sun was always hot, chasing away the ever present chill in his bones. Starrk found deep comfort in it as he began to walk, his hands in his pockets. This was the thing Kyoraku taichou and Ise fukutaichou had tried to get him to stop doing. They said that using Jinzen to commune with a sword spirit was expected, but using an inner world to retreat from reality was wrong. At the time, he'd cared very much about what they thought and had done his best to engage the real world. Now, it seemed pointless.

His wandering steps took him to the site of a recent wildfire. Starrk gazed at the charred remains of grasses, the section of the fence that had been ruined. The damaged area was small, which did not surprise him. He'd always known there could never be anything between them. That the damage still remained was all that surprised him, but Starrk knew why. This symbolized his loss, now. Not of Kyoraku's affections, which had never existed, but his friendship. And the other friendships he had made. All his friends in the Eighth…

Shaking aside that thought, Starrk walked over to the broken part of the fence. Then he slid past the jagged edges, passing through. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he continued to walk.

He had no idea why, but passing through that broken fence always made him feel free.

* * *

Starrk frowned in concentration as he piped the royal icing onto the cookies. He was still trying to master this skill and it required a steady hand.

_The redheaded wonder is coming to see you._ Lilynette said and Starrk lifted his head, surprised. What could Renji want with him? This was his day off. _I know right? Can't he at least leave you alone when you're off work?_

"Mmm." But then, Ise Nanao had sometimes visited him when he was not working. Usually to invite him places. But she actually liked him. Did Renji feel he was fulfilling some kind of duty by speaking to his fukutaichou? If so, Starrk wished he wouldn't. He was absolutely certain Renji disliked him, which would just make such a thing uncomfortable.

"Hey, Starrk!" Sure enough. The forced friendliness in the tone was enough to tell him what was happening. "I was wondering if you – oh hey. What are you doing?" Renji sounded surprised, which surprised him a bit. Did he not know who had made all the cupcakes for Kotetsu's wedding celebration?

"I am decorating cookies." Starrk said as he regarded his latest work. It was not a masterpiece, the lines were not clean enough. It was a decent attempt, however. Renji seemed confused as he regarded the cookies.

"You're doing the alphabet?" He asked after a moment and Starrk smiled briefly, looking down at his cookie. It was a square shape and this one had been piped with the letter M in bright red royal icing. The others were neatly arrayed, each with their own letter.

"Yes. I am practicing the techniques." Gently setting his latest attempt into the row, he began on the next cookie. "You see, I outline the edge in stiff icing. Then I flood the inside with looser icing before piping the letter." Although he was sure Renji could not care less. Sure enough, the redhead shook his head.

"That's, um, interesting… I was wondering if you'd like to go to the bar? I'm heading out with some of the other guys." That meant people like Ikkaku and Yumichika. Not the kind of thing he enjoyed. Fortunately, there was an excuse on hand.

"I cannot. If I do not finish the icing will become too stiff." He said, although it could be protected from the air with wraps. Still, it made a good excuse. Renji looked a touch relieved, to Starrk's eyes. Other people probably wouldn't have noticed but he was sensitive to such things.

"Alright… um, what are you going to do with those?" Renji asked and Starrk smiled at the question.

"When I am done I will throw them away." His taichou looked horrified and Starrk chuckled before carefully picking up a dried 'cookie'. "Look." He tilted it so Renji could see the edge clearly.

"Oh. Hah!" The other man blinked before shaking his head with a smile. "You might have mentioned they're cardboard." He said chidingly and Starrk shrugged as he picked up another bag of icing to begin flooding the next cookie. "Well, I'll see you in the Division tomorrow."

"Yes taichou-san." Starrk said politely as Renji took his leave. Then he devoted all his attention to the piping.

This was something he could do, and do well. That made him feel deeply satisfied.

* * *

Pistachio and rosewater. Such a wonderful flavor. Starrk rolled it on his tongue, savoring it before sighing a bit. That such a beautiful thing had brought about his downfall…

_Oi, whatever. It's not like you needed him anyway!_ Lilynette told him sharply and Starrk smiled, wishing he could pat her on the head. _Keep eating, that's really good!_

"Mmm, yes." He'd baked a cake today, to practice his layering techniques. And the pistachio and rosewater flavor was difficult – too much rosewater and you had something that tasted like cosmetics, too little and you had nothing at all – so he'd decided to practice that too. Despite the painful memories it carried.

Kotetsu Isane had been getting married and Ise fukutaichou had asked him if he could make cupcakes for the wedding. Starrk smiled sadly as he remembered… he had pulled out all the stops, decorating half the cupcakes with silver dragee balls. The other half had been decorated with simple but beautiful gum paste flowers. Nothing too realistic – he was not capable of that, yet – but colorful little daisies. It had been a great deal of work and one of the flavors he'd used had been his pistachio and rosewater.

Starrk had enjoyed all the compliments. He vaguely remembered seeing Shunsui sampling a cupcake and giving it an odd look, but he'd quickly lost track of the man in the festivities. He'd only realized his mistake a few days later, when he'd been informed of his impending transfer.

Ise fukutaichou had tried to tell him it was an opportunity. He was moving up in the world, being given further chances to prove himself. Starrk had been quietly horrified and tried to decline, but then she had become firm with him. Apparently, he was the baby chick who needed to be shooed out of the nest. He'd left that meeting feeling baffled and deeply hurt, but willing to do his best.

That willingness had faded, though, when he'd understood what was behind it. Shunsui was avoiding him and when they spoke, he was very reserved. Then Starrk had remembered the flavors and when he'd tried, tentatively, to bring the matter up Kyoraku had very sharply told him they would not discuss it. Starrk could only blame himself. Why had he done something so foolish? He'd known Shunsui would not return his affections… although he'd never anticipated something like this. If he'd thought about it at all, he'd assumed there would be some harsh words, a fistfight and then things would go back to normal. He hadn't thought that Shunsui would not forgive him for what was, at best, a hopeful gesture.

_You don't need him. You don't need any of them._ Lilynette said stubbornly and Starrk smiled at her. _All you need is knowing that someone's there._

"Hmm, yes." Lilynette was absolutely right. It hurt a bit, perhaps, but casual social interactions were more than enough to make him happy. It felt so good, just knowing that he was not alone. "And I am making new friends." He said optimistically and heard Lilynette laugh.

_You have the weirdest circle of friends in the universe._ She said merrily and Starrk smiled. He was part of a cake making social group, now. Mostly women, young and old, they were uniformly reiatsu-less plus souls. He had met them through the store he bought his supplies at and begun to attend meetings where they swapped hints and tips. At first they'd all been quite shocked at him – male, arrancar, fukutaichou – but he was fitting in rather well now. _That one girl thinks you're really hot._

"Her mother doesn't." That was a mother-daughter team and Starrk was being careful not to notice the girl's crush on him. He'd noticed the mother giving him a narrow eyed look a few times and was sure he did not meet her expectations as a mate for her daughter. And besides… "My reiatsu would be an issue." His collar had been adjusted to put him on fukutaichou level, but that meant his release would kill a plus soul.

_You could ask for an adjustable collar. But you're not really that into her, are you?_ Lilynette asked and Starrk shook his head with a small smile.

"Not really." She was too young for him. "It's a pity her mother is married." He said lightly and smiled as Lilynette laughed again.

_Hah! Yeah, she's hot right? Anyway, are you going to enter this flavor in the cake competition?_ She asked and Starrk shook his head.

"No. I've decided I'm going to do something really different." He said and felt a questioning feeling from her. "I'm going to enter just the holiday category and I'm going for St. Patrick's day." That holiday was strangely popular in Soul Society. Starrk suspected that had to do with it being a good occasion to get drunk. Shinigami were notoriously fond of their liquor. "I'm going to make a beer chocolate cake with beer buttercream and make it shaped like a cauldron full of cold coins. The backdrop with be a rainbow and there will be a little figure of a leprechaun leaning against the pot of gold." He thought that would be amazing. Lilynette was impressed but cautious.

_Can you pull it off?_ She asked and Starrk answered honestly.

"I'm not entirely sure about the pot. It might look a bit deformed." Making a pot that looked real seemed challenging to him. "I am confident about the leprechaun. I can make that well ahead of time." That could be dried and kept. "Gold coins will not be difficult." The main problem was the cauldron. "The backdrop will be very easy… I was thinking of brushing the cake with extra beer." That would keep it moist.

_Beer beer and more beer? You trying to get the judges buzzed?_ She asked and Starrk chuckled. He doubted there would be anywhere close to enough alcohol for that in the cake, but perhaps it was worth a try. _You're feeling better, hey?_

"Mmm, yes. I think Renji has given up on me." Although what he'd been trying to get out of him was still a mystery to Starrk.

_I think he wanted you to be all bright and enthusiastic and stuff. But that's so not you, even if you hadn't been 'shoved out of the nest.'_ Lilynette said and Starrk winced a little. _I wonder how much they told him about that?_

"Mmm, who knows." He really wondered what Renji had been told about him. But then he resolutely put it out of mind. "This seems stable." The doweling arrangement was good. "Perhaps I should decorate it a bit and bring it to the Division." Although then there would be many complaints from the ladies that he was trying to make them fat. The men never seemed to care about that.

_Yeah, do that. You need more practice._ Lilynette said and Starrk nodded as he opened a container of gum paste. The only way to get better at anything was to practice constantly. Vaguely, he wondered if that was why Renji was displeased with him. When he'd been under Kyoraku, he'd practiced his swordplay all the time, despite his collar. Now he hardly bothered.

His duties in the Divisions had changed from something he devoted himself to, to something he was required to do. It was an important shift.

* * *

"Starrk, what the hell is that?" Starrk looked up from his paperwork to see Renji standing in the doorway and staring at something on his desk. Smiling, he set down his pen.

"It is a golden whisk." He said proudly. It had a little stand and a plaque with engraving. "I won the holidays entry in the annual Seireitei cake competition, amateur division." Since he did not own a store, he was an amateur. The competition in that area was every bit as stiff as the professional spots, however. Sometimes even stiffer since the professionals did it for a living and could not neglect their other duties. Some of the amateurs had a great deal of free time in addition to their passion. Renji scratched his head, looking at the trophy dubiously.

"That is the strangest thing I've ever seen. What kind of a cake was this?" He asked and Starrk hesitated before opening a drawer and pulling out a book. "What is that?"

"My portfolio. I take pictures, when I finish something very fine." He thought that was important, just to help him remember. "This is what won…" He turned the page to the pot of gold cake. He'd gotten some tips on how to make the pot realistic from his cake group and the result had been stunning. "It was a chocolate beer cake with beer buttercream."

_And a beer wash to moisten it!_ Lilynette chirped and Starrk smiled. Renji, though, shook his head with a bemused expression.

"You are incredibly weird. Are you selling those on the side?" He asked and Starrk shook his head.

"I cannot accept money for them. It is prohibited." He said and Renji frowned. "I would be infringing on the baker's guild. They do not take such things lightly." He'd already made that mistake once and gotten sharply remonstrated for it. Ise Nanao came from a middle class family and had explained how such things work. "Not even the cost of materials." If he wanted to do something for someone, it had to be entirely a gift, coming out of his own pocket. Starrk didn't mind but that meant he only did work for those he knew and liked. Renji's frown deepened.

"If you put half that energy into your duties you'd actually be a good fukutaichou." Starrk felt nothing but indifference at the criticism. Renji saw that. "If you didn't want this position why did you apply for it?" He asked and Starrk blinked at him, shocked.

"…I did not." He said after a bewildered moment. Renji's eyebrows shot up and Starrk felt that he had to explain. "I was told I needed to leave the Eighth and take this position. There was no option for refusal." He'd most definitely tried. Renji stared at him like he'd grown a second head.

"That wasn't what I was told!" Starrk was wearily certain that was true. How had Kyoraku taichou framed it? Ah, he didn't care.

"If you wish to demote me I would not mind." He said quietly. That would give him less money to buy supplies, but he already had all the basics and the other things he purchased were cheap. The sock money kept getting larger. His taichou looked shocked at the idea.

"Starrk, a demotion would be a huge black mark on your record!" He exclaimed and Starrk just shrugged. "It's like you don't care about anything. Nanao said you were better than this." He sounded vexed. Starrk hesitated. Perhaps it would better to say nothing but… perhaps Renji deserved some kind of explanation.

"I gave Kyoraku taichou and Ise fukutaichou more because I cared for them. They were my friends." He felt a twist in his heart as he said that. He hadn't seen Shunsui since his transfer. Nanao, he had seen only a few times, in passing. She was still friendly enough but he was clearly meant to go on with his life. "I am… not motivated. Truly, if you wish to demote me I will not mind." His collar would probably be adjusted back down to seated officer but Starrk really didn't care. Power was meaningless to him. Renji sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"I'm not going to demote you. You're doing your job. It's just… you said Kyoraku taichou and Ise fukutaichou inspired you, right?" Starrk hesitated before nodding. That was a fair rendition. Renji looked at him intently. "You're not inspiring anyone. The whole Division can sense how disengaged you are and that doesn't encourage them." Starrk blinked at the thought.

"I… never considered that…" It really hadn't occurred to him that he was a role model to the Division. After all, he was an arrancar. Starrk frowned as he thought more about it. He was a fukutaichou now. Didn't that mean he was a role model? "Hn." That made him feel uncomfortable. He really didn't want anyone looking to him the way he'd looked to Kyoraku taichou and Ise fukutaichou. And yet… this meant he was letting Renji down. "…I will try." He said dolefully, girding himself for an unpleasant chore. He really didn't want to do it. Yet, he would give it his best effort. There was a sigh from his other half.

_You're a total marshmallow. But I guess he's figuring out what to do with you. Lectures never work._ Lilynette said and Starrk blinked before smiling wryly. She was right, Aizen had never once tried to give him a lecture. He'd mostly threatened to be disappointed in him and that had been more than enough. Renji just saw the improvement in his expression and smiled encouragingly.

"That's all I want." He said before scratching his head. "What was I – oh! Yes. We have a disciplinary problem…" Renji began explaining the issue. Another taichou had brought it to his attention, which explained why he'd heard about it before Starrk. Starrk allowed himself to be immersed in the Divisions business, not thinking about his hobbies at all.

He was going to try.


End file.
